We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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