you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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