STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
