So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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