I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
