...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
