Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
