So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
