Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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