I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
