my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
