Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I still have a little drunk in my system
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
