I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
