I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
