At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
