i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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