How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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