so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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