Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
