Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
