Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
