We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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