you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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