I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
