I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize