I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
