Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
