Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
