I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
