is your mom at the bar?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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