WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
