I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I need to calm my uterus...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
