Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
