I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
