i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
