Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
