Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
