it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
