STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
