I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
