Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
