Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
