we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
