half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
