I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
