I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
