i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
