Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
