I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
