The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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