The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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