it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
