I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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