just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
