"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
